For a majority of my life, I’ve felt out of place. After high school, I chose to attend college out of state, with a new state of mind. But towards the end of my second semester, I found myself bawling my eyes out with self-loathing, until a good friend gave me some tough love.
Afterwards, I returned to the town I disliked, but came across some beautiful people who opened my eyes towards a brighter horizon. I wanted to see more of this world, but fear always held me back. I knew I had the ability to do anything I wished. But to do it alone seemed an unbearable journey. And so I stayed behind, in hopes that someone would come back for me.
The last couple of years were rough for me. I couldn’t properly communicate and connect with my family. I still continued to feel out of place. I was constantly running and chasing after things that kept disappearing, like mirages in the desert. Soon, I lost my ability to truly call anywhere home.
The summer came, where I had thought I fell in love, and when I lost that love, I honestly believed that I lost my one chance. It was a devastating revelation. It felt as though someone physically tore my heart out, I understood the cliche then more than ever. And so, I decided to love myself more than anyone else could love me, and to do that, I had to become someone I could love. So I focused on my music. I focused on what I found to be beautiful. I blossomed, I bloomed. But still, there were nights that I felt crazed, for something was still missing, and the ache was close to unbearable.
And then I met you. At first you was just an idea. Someone I could imagine myself with, but how real would it be? Would you honestly love me? Would I be backtracking, once again looking for dependency? So I walked on my toes, afraid to step on broken glass. Yet, cautious as I was, I still found myself falling, at a more rapid pace then ever before. But you caught me, not from underneath, but from above. You took my hands and shared your wings with me, and I soared into an endless abyss of love with you. Now I know that you was written into my story from the beginning. I feel out of breath, cause I never stopped running until now. I was running towards you, all along. You’re not just my lover, more than my closest friend. You’re my future. You’re magic. You are what I was always ashamed to believe in. The romantic words whispered underneath satin sheets. You are the touch that burns my frostbitten heart.
I don’t feel out of place when you’re with me. You are my tribe. And you will beat on drums and I will sing songs while we dance in the gods woods. I will let the rain glide off my skin and hold you close. I will love you, untamed, for as long as I breathe. That is my promise, not just to you. But to me. You are who I’ve always needed.